shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
