The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
