too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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