My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize