We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
