you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
