Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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