In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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