I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
