I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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