my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
