just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Alive.
So much puke
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My ass is underappreciated
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
