I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
