Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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