Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize