We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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