If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
