remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
