my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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