Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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