Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
