we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A bitchslap is in order.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
