Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
