im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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