do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize