so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
