You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
