My cat gives me a boner
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
