I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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