I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
