Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
