He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
