I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
