she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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