Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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