Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
