i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
