Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
