So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
