Are we in a gay sports bar?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
