I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
