Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
