Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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