took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
