i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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