is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
