Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
