when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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