Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
