If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it glows. i had to have it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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