You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
