I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
