Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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