oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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