Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how drunk are you?
Several
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
