Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
