i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
