She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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