First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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