his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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