We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
