im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
