Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
