No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
