I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
