Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
