Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
