matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
