What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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