the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
