it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
